The Walrus Personality

Portrait of a Walrus Personality

Scientific Name

Odobenus rosmarus

Collective Term

A suet of walrus

These apparently benign individuals are usually easy to recognize. When you think of walruses, think of those large people sunning their perfectly rounded bellies at the beach. Or just think of Wilford Brimley. Either way, the walrus is that ruddy uncle at the family reunion who dispenses charm and off-color jokes like donuts.

The Walrus' Defining Characteristic

Ahh, donuts! Walruses have an unrelenting sweet tooth and a weakness for home cooking, and though they might seem comfortable with their roly-poly physiques one shouldn't overdo the teasing. Underneath that thick skin is a surprisingly sensitive spirit. But still, it's difficult to embarrass a walrus. Nothing in life is taken so seriously that it cannot be laughed at. Its infectious love for life contaminates everyone who has unprotected encounters with this hearty beast.

Walruses are not to be trifled with however, and as good-natured as they appear they can be cantankerous and aggressive when slighted. Mostly however, their bark is worse than their bite and their big-hearted natures soon reassert themselves.

The Walrus' Social Approach

Although it is accustomed to large groups of people, the walrus is self-contained and respects the privacy of others. It is happiest when surrounded by the comforts of home and feels little need to travel far afield.

Although walruses perceive work to be a complete waste of time, they are methodical and consistent employees and perform best in jobs demanding reliability and an understanding of the big picture. They function poorly under deadlines and prefer careers that enable them to work at your own pace, particularly as engineers, government workers, food inspectors or managers.

Walruses in the Wild

Walruses congregate in groups of about a hundred individuals, living primarily in coastal waters and basking on rocks or ice floes. Characterized by their Ponderous, blubbery bodies, large tusks, and tough reddish brown skin, these magnificent animals are largely protected from man and flourish in the arctic circle.

Their tusks are actually elongated canine teeth and serve many functions including defense, clam digging and as an aid in pulling their ponderous bulk from the water. Their family name Odobenidae means "walks with teeth."

On land, walruses are able to travel faster than a man can run, and with their formidable bulk and dangerous tusks, these seemingly lazy creatures have earned a great deal of respect from hunters.

Famous Walrus Personalities

Drew Carey

Round, un-intimidating and funny, Drew Carey's natural walrusness helped make him famous as a comedian and game show-host.

Wilford Brimley

Wilford Brimley made his living playing the walrus character in every one of his movies. His bushy moustach, portly physique and gruff voice added up to

Boris Yeltsin

If you don't remember that Boris Yeltsin was the leader of Russia for a while, it may be because walruses aren't that memorable. They are, however, overweight, boorish and a little lazy.

Careers & Hobbies

  • Food inspector

  • Store manager

  • Government worker

  • Actor

  • Watching TV

  • Babysitting

  • Dinner parties

  • Playing cards

Best Mates for a Walrus

Walruses don't shower their lovers with gifts, but communicate their feelings with demonstrative hugs and sloppy kisses instead. Their biggest asset is their hearty laugh; a generous, deep-bellied guffaw that can disarm even the most cynical. And, with such an engaging disposition it's easy to see why walruses are so effective in their social lives.

In the bedroom, the assessment is not quite so encouraging. With their belief that affection can substitute for physical contact, walruses tend to be lazy and indifferent to their partners' sexual needs.

A walrus's mate never has to complain about the lack of physical proof of its love, for it is as demonstrative as a creature can be. Just because it won't take you on a romantic getaway doesn't mean it isn't madly in love. And, if it fails to give you a box of chocolates on Valentine's day, it's probably because it ate them before it had a chance to present them.

As a mammalian personality -- comfortable on land and sea -- walruses can select their mates from the ranks of the aquatic and terrestrial creatures. But they must avoid partners chosen from the feline family whose edgy, unsettled lifestyles dramatically conflict with the walruses' torpid disposition.

Its most compatible partner, the hippo makes a wonderfully devoted counterpart with its matching Epicurean appetites. These two love nothing better than indulging in a grape-filled evening in the luscious embrace of the couch.

Friendship

Bosom buddies

Love

Mates for life

Sex

Wet and noisy!

Friendship

Sea lions and walruses will be friends for life

Love

An enviable marriage

Sex

Like a house on fire

Friendship

Very compatible

Love

Mutual appreciation

Sex

Do it in the bathtub

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