Bison Characteristics: Large • Courageous • Stable • Reliable • Predictable • Uninspiring
Scientific Name: Bison bison
Collective Term: A convention of bison

Practicable and Dependable

Bison are pragmatic, strong shouldered individuals who excel in the art of compromise. They are resourceful and dedicated to the pursuit of success. As is typical of herbivorous personalities, they are dogged individuals with a strongly conservative bent. Not one to rock the boat, they avoid drawing attention to themselves while they quietly go about their business.

Bison are Smarter than They Look

The bison’s implacable exterior hides a deep intelligence and most of its mental processing is done behind the scenes. Bison allow situations to unfold as they must, without the need to change the flow of events.  

Bison are migratory animals, and consequently they love to travel, and do so in large, organized groups. They avoid exotic locales; preferring the more popular vacation spots where they can herd around the local landmarks before stampeding off to the next predictable tourist trap.

Bison Personalities are not overburdened by Beauty

No one would ever accuse a bison of being handsome... its plain, placid face is difficult to remember and its staid temperaments complement this conservative look.

Apprehensive of change, bison steer clear of radical ideas that could possibly engender a shift in the social order. Righteous indignation is a hallmark of their temperament, and they work hard at maintaining their status in the workplace hierarchy.

Although their large frames can handle any physical confrontation, bison never go looking for trouble, although by keeping a low profile, the bison's methodical plodding often elicits unkind remarks from jealous associates. As a consequence of this backbiting, their implacable expressions often mask a deep seated inferiority complex.

Bison in the Wild

Some fifty million bison once roamed the North American plains but -- as recently as 1890 -- fewer than six hundred individuals remained. The near extinction of the bison is attributable to their wholesale slaughter by European settlers satisfying the demand for meat and hides. The disappearance of the bison also triggered numerous Indian wars as the food supply of the Native Americans dwindled. Unlike other bovine species, the bison social structure does not support a harem master to monopolize sexual activities, and -- although there is some fighting among males for mates -- peaceful coexistence is the order of the day.

Careers & Hobbies

Accountant • Politician • Lawyer • Manager • Banker • Judge
 Long walks • Chess • Golf

Love & Friendship

It might be unfair to describe the bison's sex-life as ponderous because it’s inarguably an earnest lover, and if it's lucky enough to find a mate that triggers its animal passions, nostrils will flare, eyes will narrow, and fur will fly. But usually, its sexual exploits are relegated to carefully planned encounters in traditional places. So no one should expect a bison to be doing its thing in an elevator or a china shop, for it's a fundamentally conservative individual who feels uneasy bending the rules or displaying public affection.

Bison are drawn to the equally conservative sheep and cottontail personalities who understand the bison’s need to maintain a low profile. These unions are stable and long-lasting but lack the spark to light the bison's fire. More exciting prospects arise with deer, rhino, and warthog personalities, and though these relationships have their pitfalls, the bison finds itself happily challenged.

A bison is a wonderful provider and its family never has to worry about life’s essentials or being able to afford the obligatory annual holidays. It controls the purse strings masterfully... but not because it's stingy... close associates find the bison to be extraordinary generous and altruistic.

Famous Bison Personalities

Al Gore

So Al Gore was known as a boring plodder, so boring in fact that by his own admission, his Secret Service code was "Al Gore". But no one doubts his ability to shoulder huge responsibility.

Gerald Ford

Gerald Ford was hardly an exciting President -- filling the gap between a disgraced Nixon and Jimmy Carter. But he did the job solidly and without complaint in typical bison style.