Porcupine Characteristics: Small • Thrifty • Practical • Cynical
Scientific Name: Hystrix cristata
Collective Term: A prickle of porcupines 

Prickly People

Porcupine personalities are physically small individuals with an over-abundance of attitude. Probably due to their lack of self-esteem, they have a tendency to seek comfort by belittling others -- and wit, sarcasm and ridicule are the primary weapons of this oftentimes disagreeable personality. Its reputation as a backstabber is somewhat undeserved, even if it has no problem gossiping about friends and foe alike.

In defense of the porcupine's actions, its barbs are not designed to cause permanent harm... they're intended as a preemptive attack to protect its own sensitive feelings, and if anyone is wounded by its thorny words the porcupine is quick to come to its victim's aid.

Like other rodent personalities, porcupines are opportunists and are resourceful in their endeavors. Adept at taking advantage of others' mistakes, they are the first to jump on the bandwagon when an opportunity arises. 

With their consciously minimalist lifestyle, porcupines' financial needs are limited to the bare essentials of living and their homes are unadorned but functional.

Porcupines Love Solitude

Unambiguous loners, porcupines prefer jobs that reward individual effort and avoid manual labor or work that demands mental concentration. However, if it's lucky enough to find a job that requires a biting tongue; it performs above the call of duty.

The porcupine displays the characteristically sharp mind and opportunistic lifestyle of the rodent personalities, but unable to function successfully in social situations it is limited in its career choices. Of course, a job like postal worker, DMV employee, and IRS agent, matches its prickly personality perfectly.

Porcupines in the Wild

Porcupines are solitary herbivores that spend much of their time in trees in the New World or on the ground in the Old World. Often confused with their distant relative the hedgehog, these animals are highly adapted for self-defense, and when threatened they will rattle their quills in warning, much like rattlesnakes do before striking.

Contrary to popular belief, porcupines do not shoot their quills but instead detach them easily from their bodies and embed them in enemies' skin. The barbed quills work their way into the victim's body, causing painful infections and sometimes death.

Careers & Hobbies

Collection agent • Bureaucrat • Administrator • Politician
Reading • Painting • Movies • Gossip • Photography

Love & Friendship

If there were two words that summarized the porcupine lover, they would be “use protection”. For in the bedroom, the porcupine tends to be a little too curious and explorative. For them, sex is a gala event that should be spiced with all manner of unusual toys and odd positions. Although it's hard to blunt a porcupine's ardor, they are extraordinarily unromantic and never mushy -- insisting on enforcing their strange set of rules about not cuddling before or after lovemaking.

Although the porcupine would never be indicted as a bore, its me-first credo generates significant friction in its love life. Fleshing out the soft underbelly of this brusque individual takes a determined and prudent partner. 

The porcupine's mate must be careful where it steps, for porcupines are capable of being especially cruel to the ones they love. In fact, the closer one gets to a porcupine the greater the danger of being wounded. Ultimately though, these stabs are no more than pinpricks, and if its partner's pride and sense of humor are still intact, the relationship will only die of old age.

Famous Porcupine Personalities

Don Rickles

Don Rickles became famous for his acerbic put-downs of famous people and even members of his stand-up audience. He was the ultimate porcupine -- small, not overburdened by beauty, and a little neurotic.

Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers was the female version of Don Rickles. Neurotic and jumpy, her sharp, stinging wit made her one of the most enduring, and jaw-dropping entertainers of the 20th century.