Baboon + Eagle

Great Friends, Terrible Lovers — Shockingly Unsurprising

The baboon's rowdy, social circus and the eagle's lofty, solitary kingdom make for a surprisingly entertaining friendship — the eagle gets a jester, the baboon gets a wise (if insufferable) mentor. But romantically? The eagle soars above the emotional noise while the baboon swings chaotically through it, and neither finds that charming for long. In bed, the eagle wants transcendence and the baboon wants a party, which is essentially the same problem wearing different hats. Keep this one firmly in the 'hilarious drinking buddies' column and back slowly away from anything with a candlelit dinner attached.

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